Taking it back ...

Wednesday afternoon, I took myself back to my childhood.  Not because I wanted to, it just happened.

My dad was here for a visit.  It's been close to 2 years since I've seen him.  Anyone that knows me, knows that's not unusual.  Hasn't been my entire life - well, what I can remember of my entire life anyway.

When I was a kid, my brother and I saw our dad pretty much twice a year.  We never spent a Father's Day with him.  We never spent Christmas Day with him.  He'd come into town generally around our birthday's (which both happen to be in May) and usually again around Christmas.   When he was in town, it wasn't for an extended period of time by any means.  Usually, just the weekend.  He'd come in sometime on a Friday, and leave late morning on Sunday.  It sucked.  Plain and simple.  No little girl, or boy for that matter, should have to stand on the train platform, tears so thick they can't see, and say goodbye to their father - not knowing when she (or he) would see him again.  That's just not fair.

As a little girl, all I ever wanted was to be with my dad.  I wanted to have the "father/daughter" thing that all my friends had.  Never had it.  My dad left when I was only 4 years old.  He missed so much of my life, and I missed even more of his.

Taking him to the airport Wednesday, took me back.  I became that little girl, standing on the train platform, tears so thick I couldn't see.  Thankfully now, I have sunglasses that cover them.  Not so thankfully, my little girl is also the little girl I used to be.  Her tears were heavy, so heavy that she could barely speak.

I think her tears are what took me back.  Seeing the hurt she was experiencing, made me become that little child all over again.  I didn't want my dad to get on that plane.  I didn't want him to leave.  I wanted him to stay.  Forever.

I desperately wanted the days of my childhood that I missed out on.

Here I am 32 years old, and all I want are those missed days.  If I could have one thing ... one wish .. that's what it'd be.

So if I can say this to a Dad that might be reading this ... Dads - cherish the little moments.  Cherish the time you have with your children.  It means more to them than you'll ever know.  Daughters (and Son's too) - Cherish the time you have with your fathers.  You never know how long you'll have that time.

Until Next Time ..
~A