My how things have changed ...

I know it's been a while since I've updated, sorry. Honestly, I don't know who I'm apologizing to, because I don't even know if anyone is even reading this thing or not. Anyhow ... back to the update!

I know I've mentioned in posts past, that I was preparing to start school. Well, all the preparation is over, and I've started! This past Monday was my first day. Man oh man .. it is definitely going to take some getting used to, but I know I can do it!

For those of you (if there are any of you) that knew me as a kid, you probably remember how hard it was for me while I was in school. Not because I wasn't capable, it was simply because I didn't want to do it. I'm not sure why I didn't want to do it, because I know now and I knew then that I could without any problems, I just didn't want to. It was too much work, and I was far too lazy.

I can't tell you the countless times my poor mother had to literally drag me out of bed to get me up for school. And that wasn't even half the battle. If I did go to school, staying at school was a different thing all together. I only ever ditched (in the literal sense of the word) once. Honestly only one time did I leave campus with some friends ... and the ENTIRE time I was worried. I just knew that that would be the ONE single time in my whole life that my mother would show up at school to get me early for some reason (which almost never happened). It didn't happen, but I didn't enjoy myself either way.

I much preferred to "ditch" school by faking an illness. I'm sure people in my school thought I must have had a terminal illness as much as I was 'sick'. Then I got to the point, that I'd missed so much school I had to have a doctors note every time I was absent. So you figure I was absent minimum at least one day a week. Every time I missed school, I HAD to go to the doctor to get the doctors note. I don't know how my mother survived financially, at $20 a visit, each week. (Sorry for that mom!!!) Thank GOD she's not requiring me to pay back my debt, God knows I wouldn't be able to afford to.

And here I am now. It seems light years away from the person I was then. I'm not going to school because I have to, I'm going because I WANT to. Which, I still can't believe sometimes. And, the kicker is this. I'm planning on going into the Nursing program. I want to be a Labor and Delivery nurse (when I grow up) and I'm super excited about accomplishing that. But back to the kicker. In order for me to be accepted into the program, I have to complete a slew of prerequisite. Here's the kicker for real this time, promise. I have to have a 4.0 GPA (in regard to my prerequisite classes) to be considered for the program.

No pressure at all for me (.. right!) I know, without a doubt, that I'm capable of doing that. I was told by every single teacher that I'd ever had through out my school career, that I was capable of being the top student in the class. I just have to apply myself.

So, raise your glass (if you have one) and toast to me!! I know I've not accomplished my goal, but there's a BIG HUGE yet. I know I WILL accomplish my goal, and I can't wait!!!

Until Next Time ...

~A

8 Years ...

My journey through motherhood, began almost exactly 8 years ago from this very moment. Here's the story of my firstborn ... Mikaila Alexis Robertson

June 12, 2002 I woke up feeling "not right". I told my husband that my head hurt really badly, I was super dizzy, and I just felt really yucky. My actual due date was still about 2 weeks away, but I knew something just wasn't right.

My husband called my OB/GYN's office, and they wanted me to come in right away. I didn't even have time to take a shower. I threw on some clothes, stuck up my hair, and off we went.

I got the the doctors office around 11am, and he told me that I was showing the beginning signs of pre-eclampsia. He told me we had 2 options. Option one, he could let me continue the pregnancy until the baby came naturally, coming into the office EVERY day to have stress tests, OR ... I could go to the hospital NOW and have my baby. Which one do you think I chose?! We went straight to the hospital. It was really happening.

In the hallway of the doctors office, on the way to the elevator .. I called my mom at work, and told her we were headed to the hospital (which was right across the street from where my doctors office was) to have a baby! She was EXCITED beyond belief ... and said she was on her way. She actually beat me to the hospital! I couldn't believe it!

We got to the hospital, got all the registration paperwork filled out, and off to labor and delivery we went. Now the doctor informed me before he even sent me to the hospital that I was NO WHERE near ready to deliver this baby on my own. I wasn't dialated at ALL, and my cervix wasn't thinned.

Around 12:30 they hooked me up to pitocin, and put a pill on my cervix to thin it out. The doctor told me he would see me in a few hours, and left. The next 4 hours were entirely uneventful. Nothing happened ... there were a few small contractions, but nothing that I couldn't handle. I was DETERMINED to have this baby with no drugs, no epidural, nothing.

Around 4:30 that afternoon, the doctor came back in to check on my progress. He decided at that point that he was going to break my water, to help me progress a little bit faster. He did what he needed to do, and then told me he was going to go to bed, and he would see me tomorrow. He told me that I should try to get some rest while I still could, that I would be very busy around 6am delivering my baby girl.

Around 7 or 8 that night, I don't remember the EXACT time, but I do remember that American Idol (the very first season) was on the television .. I was in FULL ON labor. The reason that I remember American Idol was on the television, is because I was SCREAMING for someone to turn it off. It was HORRIBLE. I was having very heavy contractions, and was in a LOT of pain, but I was still determined that there would be no epidural.

I was checked at 8pm, and I was only dialated to a 4. So I was sure that I would be laboring ALL night long. I was checked again at 11:30pm, and I was only at a 5. But at 11:45pm ... it all changed. I was screaming at my mom for her to get the nurse .. cause something wasn't right. I could feel my body pushing ... and I wasn't trying to push. The nurse came in, quite reluctantly, and MUCH to her surprise .. I was a 10, and the baby was starting to crown.

In a mad rush ... my room was buzzing with activity. My poor husband didn't really know what to do ... he doesn't do well with blood, and anyone that's seen a live childbirth knows that there's a LOT of blood. Well .. he started to feel a little faint .. so we went to sit on the couch. Which just so happened to give him a perfect view of all the activity. He had front row seats to my epsiotomy .. which he didn't do well through at all. It's funny to look back on that and remember it now .. but he sure wasn't laughing then.

At exactly 12:01am, my little, beautiful baby girl made her entrance into the world. Mikaila Alexis Robertson was born June 13th at 12:01am. She weighed 7 pounds 2 ounces, and she was 19 inches long. She had really dark hair and olive colored skin. She was absolutely, perfectly beautiful, and she was mine.

The one thing that I'd always wanted, my whole entire life, I finally had. I couldn't wait to put all the cutesy girly clothes and bows and matching shoes on her. I was in a complete state of bliss. I couldn't remember (except maybe for my wedding day) when I was THAT happy.

Now here we are ... almost 8 years later ... and I'm still THAT happy, and also proud. I'm so proud of my girl. She continues to surprise me, every single day of her life. She is one of the best things that's ever happened to me, and I consider myself luck to be her mother.

I love you Mikaila!!!

Until Next Time ...

~A

The dreaded phone call ...

Everyone wants their children to succeed in everything that they set out to do. That's a natural instinct for a parent. Any parent, young or old. No one wants to believe that their child is falling behind, or not preforming to the best of their abilities.

I received a phone call last night. One that I'm referring to as "the dreaded phone call" from my daughters teacher at school.

Near 8pm on a Sunday evening, you don't expect the phone to be ringing and your kids teacher on the other end of the line. A phone call from a teacher isn't always a bad thing, and in this case it wasn't entirely bad, but it wasn't great either. My little girl, is struggling. I hate it. I hate that she's struggling. I hate that she's struggling, and there really isn't anything that I can do to help her. I guess that's not entirely true, but that's how I feel. Helpless.

As her parent, it's my duty to make sure that she has the basic essentials to live her life. Which she does. It's also my duty to provide her with the instructions and knowledge to get through the things in life that are going to be tough, Lord knows there will be plenty of times she'll need that kind of support in her life, and right now is one of those times.

My husband and I are meeting with her teacher tomorrow afternoon, and we're going over a plan of attack to keep her mind sharp during the almost 3 month summer break from school.

Today's homework session went very smoothly, compared to homework session past. I've come to the conclusion that I need to make it "fun" for her, because I think she's getting bored with it. She gets it in her stubborn little head that it "might" be too hard for her, and she just flat gives up on trying. This is new for her. Anyone that knows my Mikaila, knows that she's nothing if she isn't stubborn and headstrong.

Another thing that people know about my Mikaila, is that she's smart. She's a VERY smart little girl. Smart beyond her years sometimes (I often have to remind myself that she's only 7 years old). So I know, that she knows, how to do this stuff, yet, she's lacking the gumption to get it done.

These are the times that I wish children came with owner's manuals. I can remember teasing my mother as a child, talking about the "parenting book" that she and all of my friends mother's must have taken together, and the book that they all had to have read together. She used to always say to me "You'll understand when you're a mom". Boy, was she right. Oh how I hate to admit that, but it's the gospel truth.

I understand, and oh how I wish that imaginary book DID exist. I swear I'd have read it from cover to cover about 30 times by now.

For those that actually read my blog, if you're a praying person, please say a prayer. Not only for my little one, that this time of struggle will pass and she'll be able to do what I (and her teacher) know she's capable of, but for me as well. That I'll have the knowledge and the ability to get her over this hurdle (one of the many she's going to have to jump) and allow her to reach the confidence that I know she has.

Until Next Time ...

~A